| wow. |
[22 Dec 2005|09:06am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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none for once. |
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its been a while since i've really sat down at a pc and just thought about my life... work sucks horribly. but the money is awesome. i've never worked this hard in my life, and i've never had this much money either. its not a lot to some, but to someone that is spoiled and has almost had EVERYTHING handed to her this is amazing. i acutally pay my bills and everything now. which is always weird for me to say. yeah i loved having my money and my parents and my grandparents money and so on, but now just mainly having my money. it actually feels good to know that i am paying my car payment, insurance, cell phone & other expenses. i cant wait till i can actually save up and move out on my own. i want to get an apartment or a double wide or something and put it in NC. I hate SC. yeah, in the previous sentence i did say double wide. that is a trailer. trailers arent bad @ all.. some of them are nasty & run-down and stuff like that but i dont live like that and people that do, give those that work their ass off and still have to live in a trailer a bad name... yeah i may live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood now... but guess what... thats only been almost 7 out of the 19 years that i've been alive... before that we did live in a trailer... [still my dads residence] - when my parents split up, she moved into a "trailer park", wasnt much, but it was a roof over our heads and we were happy. then my stepdad came along, and we lived in that trailer a few years till we moved into our current house, which is growing smaller everyday. my lil bro wasnt around when we moved into it, but he's here now and that is all that matters and i am just watching him grow older every day in front of my eyes... he'll be 2 on Feb. 5th, 2006. but yeah... im through venting b/c mom is wanting to know why i'd actually right my business online and its getting on my nerves haha. but yeah. anyway my bro is watching BARNEY [ughhhh!] and is about to fall asleep so im going to go lay on the couch with him till he falls asleep, or we both do. so yeah. i'll write more whenever i feel moved... but yeah ... over & out.
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♥
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| wow. its been a while... |
[25 Nov 2005|10:36pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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System of A Down - Question |
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yeah ....
Tonight has really taken the cake. I mean for real. I'm sick of these people that are "so called friends", NOT being my friend. Then the ones that are basically just "aquintences", or however you spell that word, run their mouth about me and dont even really know me. I mean seriously you guys... This isnt high school anymore and thats for those eleventeen year old kids... But yeah... Its getting closer to Christmas and my list for who I have to buy presents for, just keeps getting smaller... Good for those who are still on it, because it means better gifts! haha j.k. but for real... This stupid stuff is getting old... So here's what I feel...
#1 : I am brutally honest, and very up front. Yes I realize that I do hurt some peoples feelings... but I dont mean to. Which leads to Number 2.
#2 : If you dont want the truth, then dont ask me. I'm not one of those people that will "say what you need/want to hear", I'll give my honest opinion and leave it @ that. Nothing more, Nothing less.
#3 : Dont act like someone your not. Because if you cant act like yourself around your friends, then they arent really your friends to begin with.
#4 : DONT LIE!!!
#5 : But seriously... Have a sense of humor... But dont be a dumb@$$!
#6 : Dont act like someone that your not in front of certain people just to get their attention or have them like you, then when they leave, act like a total different person with me. Thats annoying.
#7 : If your going to be my friend, be my friend. Dont half ass it!!!
Yeah there is more, and sorry. but no one will prolly read this. or even give a $]-[it. so yeah. Holla @ cha girl. Peace.
----------------------------------------
If I have ever said anything about anyone - that was out of the way or wrong... I apoligze now & consider my slate clean.
but yeah. time for bed. work early in the am.
peace.
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♥
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| the loneliest 2 weeks of my life... |
[04 Aug 2005|09:52pm] |
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mood |
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 That I have someone to love... |
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music |
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Making Memories of Us - Keith Urban |
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Dillon was taken from me 2 weeks ago. today. I miss him more than anything. I had gotten so used to his body being next to mine each & every night. I miss his constant touch. I miss hugs. I miss the lil smile after we had a lil disagreement. I never thought I would love someone the way I love him. I want this to the one... I love him. so much.
This song is just perfect for us...
Making Memories Of Us
sang by: keith urban
written by:(Rodney Crowell)
I'm gonna be here for you baby
I'll be a man of my word
Speak the language in a voice that you have never heard
I wanna sleep with you forever
And I wanna die in your arms
In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
I wanna honor your mother
I wanna learn from your pa
I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw
I wanna stand out in a crowd for you
A man among men
I wanna make your world better than it's ever been
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
We'll follow the rainbow
Wherever the four winds blow
And there'll be a new day
Comin' your way
I'm gonna be here for you from now on
This you know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now
And I'm gonna make you a promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll win your trust making memories of us
----------------------------------------------
Every one please pray for us...
I was in the ER Tuesday night. BAD kidney infection... I'm better now.
I get to see Dillon tomorrow...
The sooner I go to bed, the sooner I get to see him...
♥
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♥
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| Who's Line Is It Anyway?! |
[15 Jul 2005|02:01pm] |
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mood |
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 & Happy @ the same time... |
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music |
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an old 45 of Thea's FAV!!! HOTEL CALIFORNIA!!! |
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*HUGS* TOTAL!
give xlacedxperfumex more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own
Give me hugs biatchhhh!!!
anyway... These past few days have suxed... lol... Anyway... Dil n I rode bikes yday for like 2 hours lol... was fun... tiring but fun... It was nice to get to spend some time with him without having to worry about someone getting on our nerves...
I found out Kelz mom [ my aunt ] is VERY sick... I hope everything is going to be alright with her... [pray for her]
My great grandfather is getting older and older, faster and faster, everyday... I am going to be so depressed when he leaves this world. I miss my great grandmother... I wish she was still around for me to talk to and get advice... She was the greatest woman... I hope to see her one day...
I miss Thea so much... I cant believe its been 2 months... I drive by her house almost everyday and just wonder so much... I love you Thea!!! I miss you everyday... I wish you were around to see how happy I am now-a-days... I wished I could share it with you... I love you girl...
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002 // ♥
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| Like my new look?! |
[28 Jun 2005|06:15pm] |
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mood |
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I miss someone... |
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music |
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Hotel California |
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wow... things here lately have been great to be honest...
I have now had a boyfriend for almost 4 months ~ I know that doesnt sound long... but for me that is... he is great... I love him more than anything in this world. he makes my days brighter and my life better...
Sat ~ I went n got my underbodies put on my car... Spent the whole day @ Noahs w/ Dillon... Waiting on Jason to get home from work...
Sat night we were layin down to go to bed and Jason was like... Will you take me to meet his boss man b/c he was drunk n needed a ride... well as we were going to leave, Adam shows up... so we all get in the Eclipse and off we go thru Bostic... Jason drove, Adam passenger, n me n Dil Dil in back... So we could snuggle... He held on to me the whole time... We all sang "Nobody Does It Better" by Nate Dogg...
Then we went back to Noah's and me and Dil Dil got on the couch bed and started to watch Jeepers Creepers II... We both were tired and decided to go to bed... so we gave kisses n I fell asleep on his arm, snuggled up really close...
I left Sunday afternoon... He didnt want me to... but I had to...
Not that long left till Friday!!! Then we get to snuggle again!!! Yay!!! ♥
Thanks to Kayyteee for my new LJ look!!!
:+: Thea ~ I know your not going to go get on your computer and read this... but I miss you so much... I wish I knew I was going to see you one day at the movies... and each other being in the others wedding... I wish that one day Id walk by a news stand and see you on the cover of an Import Tuner mag. like you said you'd do one day... I'm glad we got to share some good times... Listen to some great music and get in some trouble together... I just wish I knew that I could call you and invite you to come over and spend the night and us just sit up and talk the whole night like old times... but things change and people get mixed up with the wrong people... I love you so much Thea... and I will see you one day... and then we can share one of those great hugs we always shared with one another... I have your obituary in my wallet... the school pic you gave me before anyone else got one... my 7 up shirt, sheriff patch, gizmo patch, mitchellin man, and other things you and i shared with one another... I will miss you the rest of my life... you will always be in my heart... and i love you so much... You will always be one of my best friends...
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002 // ♥
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| The polar bears mauled my shorts... |
[01 Jun 2005|10:04am] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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music |
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Turning Japanese |
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Last night was fun... Kel0sourusrexxx spent the night @ my house...
We did the usual.
:+: Chinese food :+:
:+: Movie Night :+:
[♥] Happy Birthday 2 me = May 29th [♥]
D.T.S. woke me up with a VERY special Happy Birthday song. It was so sweet... We snuggled... Watched movies...
I miss D.T.S. I get to see him Friday tho =]]
Well... I am not going to write anymore... Going to watch "The Incredibles" w/ Kel0sourusrexxx b4 we have to be @ work.
I miss D.T.S.
♥
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001 // ♥
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| I'm going to rub my nipples and think of you... |
[23 May 2005|10:21pm] |
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mood |
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 [tears] [headache] |
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music |
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Wanted Dead or Alive : Bon Jovi [Dont ask] |
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Wow. This weekend was good. There was a lot of fighting between some family members.
DTS ♥ = was the sweetest... His bday was today... I miss him already... [tears]
Poor Matt ~ He's so silly... He is being a dork on the phone lol. he is being sooo... dorky...
Anyway. I cant think right now. I'm worried about a lot of things.
Night ♥
The title of this journal entry is compliments of : Matthewwwww =p
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001 // ♥
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| This weekend was Amazing... |
[15 May 2005|10:20pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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Rammstein |
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Wow...
Friday "the 13th" ~ I thought it was going to be a complete disaster, it being the 13th. Blah blah blah. but yeah. We went swimming, then I forgot what we did...
Sat night : Sat we floated down the river, which was a very short trip. 3 hours!!! It usually takes about 7 - 8 hours. Well. We got out and just hung out @ Big Island for like 5 hours [ We played in the water, snuggled in boat (that was tied to a tree so we wouldnt float away), made a fire, walked across the bridge, and... got cussed out by a mexican.]I got my best friends dad to come pick us up, then we FINALLY got back home. Took a bath, got pizza, and we started watching a movie. I dozed off, I suppose the sun and swimming wore me out... Well, I was woken up by DTS sayin "Baby, you feel better?" When I opened my eyes, the room was lit up entirly with candles. I looked up @ his face and I saw that gorgeous smile he always gives me. He just leaned down and snuggled with me [because he knows I love it] and ummm yeah... =]]
Sunday (t0d@y) : well we slept late [10ish], ate pizza and drank MT.Dew for breakfast [mmm tasty] ~ We mostly snuggled n watched movies today[since it rained most of the day]. Although we did go out to the pool for like... 30-45 mins = It started to rain so yeah. We came back in - snuggled, ate some more, n watched more movies. Then it came close to 9... The ride to his house was mostly quiet when we got to Broadway... We gave a few kisses goin down the road, told each other cute lil things, and talked about what we'd do the following weekend... It sucks to know that after a weekend like that, I have to sleep alone tonight. I missed him the second I was in my car on my way home. alone.
Well I talked to Brielle and it was just great = so yeah. ♥ to her... =]]
Her : ill kill you whore
Me ::-(
Me: [tears]
Her: youll be okay.
Her : haha
Her : you have your boy toy.
ME : yes. I love him.
Me :it was great.
Me : he gave me a hickey on the back of my neck >.<
Her : alright
Her : one more
Her : and ill punch you
Me : ummm
Me : tryin to think..
Me : oh my god.
Me : he kisses my feet!
Me : freaked me out.
Me : but it was kinda nice and weird @ once.
Me: you warned me?!
Her : hahahaha
Me : lol
Her : alright.
Her : you better be glad weve never actually met.
Me : Whyyyy
Her : cuz id kill you with karma
Me : heart you
Her : psh. no you dont.
Her : you like to torture me
Me : aww.
Me : :-(
Well yeah, I'm sure there was more for me to write... but I was being rushed by SOMEONE [coughs]
Until next time - ♥
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002 // ♥
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| Smack of Reality? [Maybe] |
[09 May 2005|11:24pm] |
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mood |
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In love? |
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music |
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In My Head - Staind |
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♥RIP *Thea Nichole Sybounheaung* 7/29/88 - 5/3/05 ♥
x.Whoa.x
I really dont know what Im feeling now. I wish someone could just plug a cord into me and just feel and see how I feel right now... so SOMEONE could tell me what to do. Am I being stupid? Am I in love? Is this real?
I watched the sadess movie ever, I believe, tonight... "The Notebook" - I just... felt that I connected with that movie. I felt like I felt the feelings that they shared. I dont know that I can live without him in my life now. I really dont know what to say. or do. or feel. or anything for that matter. I wish I knew. I want these feelings to last forever... Just like Bon Jovi's song "Always" says :
It's been raining since you left me
Now i'm drowning in the flood
You see i've always been a fighter
But without you i give up
Now i can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, i guess i'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me
And i will love you, baby - always
And i'll be there forever and a day - always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And i know when i die, you'll be on my mind
And i'll love you - always
Yeah, i will love you baby - always
And i'll be there forever and a day - always
If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price i won't pay
To say these words to you
I feel what those lyrics say. I feel that without him, I wouldnt be able to go on. I am just crazy I guess. I wish I would know what to feel... I wish I knew what to do. All I know is... I love him... I really do... I love DTS
I just dont want this to end.
Ever. ♥
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002 // ♥
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| He told me yesterday "Baby I dont care if your fat, skinny, purple or blue - I love you, so shut up" |
[08 May 2005|11:05pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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CCR - Greatest Hits |
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Wow... This week/weekend was incredibly hard on me. ~ I miss Thea. [♥RIP♥]... I got burnt while cutting grass Sat. Then like a dumb@$$, I went swimming today - and guess what... Didnt put ANY sunblock on... So now... I could be Red Lobster's official mascot.
Recieving friends was wayyy hard. Thea was gorgeous just like always... EXCEPT - No one can ever do eyeliner like her. [tears] - Thanks for showin me how to do it Thea!!! [the eyeliner you silly gooses'] lol
♥DTS♥ ~ Thanks so much for making this weekend easier on me. You knew how upset I was but yet, somehow, still made me smile almost every minute of it. Snuggling meant a lot to me - made me feel a whole lot better... Camping this coming weekend will be fun... Anyway... Yeah, I'm babbling on and on... so yeah... bye.
[♥RIP T.N.S.♥] ~ I love you and miss you so much already!!!
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001 // ♥
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| .x.Whoa.x. |
[05 May 2005|07:19pm] |
RIP ♥ Thea Sybounheuang ♥ 2005
First off - I'm feeling really depressed inside. A dear friend passed away and I never got to say good-bye. or tell her I loved her. or give her one last hug. She always made me laugh. I will never forget the day she gave me the famous "Make 7 Up Yours" shirt or my Gizmo (The Gremlins) patch. or the Sheriff patch.
I am just not sure how to deal with things...
Money is not going so great either.
Job isnt great either.
Family : well family is going okay. Not really sure whats going on with my dad...
Im really confused right now. Not sure where my life is going at this point. All I know is that I have the greatest family, friends, and the best boyfriend I have ever had in my life. God has blessed me in many ways.
I hope God has mercy on Thea - I miss you and love you so much Thea.
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001 // ♥
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| Blah, fucking, Blah. |
[07 Apr 2005|10:58pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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Metallica - One |
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Man... Fuck being tired. I HATE being tired. So much!
Work has been okay.... Not as busy as needed. Only made $39.15 tonight. [tear]
It seems I have lost my friends, sadly.
They hate me. They know who they are. =[ [tears]
This weekend :
Fri - Dillon
Sat - work
Sun - work.
Dunno about the week - I think I'm basically ... WORKING!
Man... Well time for a lil Grand Theft Auto - SA. I'm addicted - THANKS TO DILLON! lol...
<3
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001 // ♥
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| :: Im back biatches!!! :: |
[27 Mar 2005|10:34pm] |
Well well well. Im back! I have been goin --- out... lol. I havent had a chance to get on here.
I have been stayin @ dollys house. Hangin out with Dillon
Dolly's bday was awful... she wasnt in the best of moods. everyone was ill...
This weekend : Hangin wit Dillon - some games of pool. 4wheelin'. Hot tub, dunno a/b Hot Tub.
I dont know whats up with my life right now...
I'm jus :::Blahhh:::
Ima go - on the phone with Kao so I cant do the typing thing and the phone...
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001 // ♥
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| </i>.x. A New Day .x. |
[14 Mar 2005|09:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
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relieved |
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For some reason last night, something lay on my consincious (yeah thats prolly spelt wrong). Nothing major. just enough to not let me sleep most of the night.
i want to be happy. i want to totally change who i am... dont know if it will be for the best, or the worst. prolly both in some ways.
i want to go to the beach this summer... for a weekend... any takers? no fancy hotel. jus somewhere where i can get to the beach and bake in the sun. lol.
i think i have problems - which i do, but nothing compared to some other person my age. pshhh... i could already have a child, live in nothing but a box, parents beat me, be into drugs, etc. but all i do is work. i have it a lot better off than some. ehh
to my cuddle whore [if she still is mine, *Shrugs*] Look sorry. everything sux sometimes. seems like you have a hard time, just have to go on what you hear. not saying all i hear is "ish" about you, but yeah. you know how everyone is. sorry for everything. ttyl, hopefully.
i guess ima go play the guitar. it'll pass time <3 to all.
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001 // ♥
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[14 Mar 2005|01:26am] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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Tonight is a lonely night for me. Weather is awful. But I love the rain. Layin in bed, staring up @ the ceiling - just imaging the rain beating down on the roof... I could jus imagine layin on the roof and the rain coming down on me. Washing all the bad memories and hate and love and feeling that I have...
I have never really hated who I am. Who I was. How I am. Until recently. Just for no apparent reason - Its like I decided to hate myself.
I havent talked to the person that actually made me kind of like myself in a day or so. =[ Too bad for me I guess. Im nothing important anyway.
How come I always want something that isnt AVAILABLE =[[
My luck is horrible.
I went to my best friend from high schools wedding today. Made me wish even more that I had someone to share times with. a cuddle whore. [not a REAL whore] but those that know me know what I mean when I use the phrase [Cuddle Whore]...
Life sux... Then you die... but when? </3
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008 // ♥
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| *Worst Day of my Life!* |
[11 Mar 2005|11:33pm] |
Well... TODAY officially SUXED!!!
Job : almost lost it today b/c my manager is a JACKASS!!!
Gahh. I wish I didnt have a car, or insurance! and I wouldnt have to work now... ughhh
I fucked my car up today... TOTALLY ruined my whole day there. =[
Well... Katie is mad @ me... Not going to talk about it on here b/c its really no ones business... Just really sucks!!!
glad Matts simi okay. =[*hugs*
babysat for a while tonight. that made me feel better...i love kids...
ughhh I feel like crap n i work 2morrow night too...blah blah
my work schedule for next week... : a whole 7 hours. THE WHOLE WEEK!!!
Wow what an amazing schedule... anyway... guess i've babbled on enough now. night night <3
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♥
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| mad |
[11 Mar 2005|09:25am] |
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mood |
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worried |
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ughhh I jus had this awesome journal entry and I hit the back button on accident! dont ask how I did it... but I managed to screw EVERYTHING UP!!! Nothing New lol... Anyway...
I wonder what Katie is doin today. I wonder if she is working later on this afternoon... Maybe she'd wanna hang out? I dunno. I cant remember if she works... I cant even remember when I work...
Matt said something about "Hospital" - I hope everything is okay...
blahh... Time for work... in about 15 mins... bye
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001 // ♥
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[10 Mar 2005|10:23pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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If something is meant to be... Why cant it be... Why does it have to be such a hassel and a heartbreak! </3 No one can ever be happy with what they have. They always want what they cant have. but yeah. blah blah
whats up with friends that are liars...
whats up with friends that dont really give a shit...
whats up with being alive and wasting your time doing nothing.
whats up with my writing... im so stupid... lol
im babbling on about shit that happened ages ago.
anyway. <3
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001 // ♥
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